In this tiny little room on campus with windows facing out, I can see the beauty of this place.
And something has changed from last year...and it's not the first thing you notice, but I did.
A lot of it is overgrown.
Wild flowers, leaves and ivy are taking over. They're reaching up towards the sky and no one has cut them. And I think it's absolutely beautiful.
I love that it's wild and free, and hasn't been messed with.
I love that it is all tangled together.
I love that it's not confined to a section all it's own, but instead is a beautiful mess interweaving with the other plants...and I actually envy it.
And maybe that sounds so odd, but I envy the freedom it possesses to go where it likes.
I envy that it's not cut to "perfection," but instead is allowed to have it's own "natural beauty."
It doesn't have to be perfect, but instead is allowed to just be, and is appreciated for how it just is.
At least I appreciate it.
And I think of people who live in this place with me and are not appreciated for their ability to just "be."
Instead, they are judged for how they appear to be a "mess," but are never looked at as a "beautiful mess."
And not even a "beautiful mess," but just as, well...beautiful.
Beautiful because they can let go of their carefully designed images and instead are able to let themselves be seen and known for who they truly are.
And I find that beautiful.
And I want to be and do the same...but it's a lot harder than it looks.
To actually let down the barricades that guard my true self, and let people see the un-trimmed mess of my life?
Too risky.
I would much rather like people to see me as trimmed and groomed and in my Sunday-best.
But that's not true community...is it?
That's not true relationship...right?
And this place is supposed to be all about that...and a lot of the time I think it does a really good job. But then there are other times...and you hear of issues like lust, pride, bitterness, jealousy, and anger...and the walls go up all around, and you fetch your hedge trimmers real quickly because you can't let that person know you struggle with the exact same thing...
And so the cycle continues.
And I want to get out.
I want to grow untamed...
Because like the untrimmed flowers that I see, I want to become entangled with the realness of this life...the pain and the joy, and all the while growing and looking up towards Him.
Letting Him see the tangled mess that I am, and looking for who will stop along the path and appreciate the beautiful mess that I and so many others are.
And that they won't only appreciate it, but will join in on the vulnerability of it all...
That they'll let their hedge trimmers get rusty, and instead will just "be."
