I haven't blogged in well...like two years. Also, full disclosure, I'm not going to lie and say my previous blog posts were not about trying to get people to read my thoughts and to make myself feel better...well, about me.
But, I don't really think people care all that much about my thoughts, and if they do, maybe they'll make an impact for 2.63 seconds, but then, ya know...life happens and we all forget things.
So this blog is for me...to wrestle with thoughts...to share ideas with myself and help remind myself in three years (or however long away) of the thoughts I had when I was a bit younger. Also, this blog is something that will save me from hand cramps. As much as I appreciate journaling, typing is so much easier.
A catch up on some life things/things that are important to me:
1. I'm a senior psychology major at Taylor.
2. I'm living in the ever-blessed Watermelon House. (Seriously can't say how much of a gift this old creaky house is.)
3. I'm engaged to my best friend, Scott Michael King. (So many thoughts on this man...also today marks 201 days before we say "I Do," and then high-tail it out of the country for Mexico sunshine.)
4. Today I'm kind of cranky because I don't have a car, and I really want one because it seems that it would make life a whole lot easier (real thoughts).
5. Today I was reminded in church of what it's like to fall in love. Especially with Jesus. This author Donald Miller has some real good thoughts in Blue Like Jazz.
6. Today I was also reminded of the pointless things I engage in.
"Satan, who I believe exists as much as I believe Jesus exists, wants us to believe meaningless things for meaningless reasons. Can you imagine if Christians actually believed that God was trying to rescue us from the pit of our own self-addiction? Can you imagine? Can you imagine what Americans would do if they understood over half the world was living in poverty? Do you think they would change the way they live, the products they purchase, and the politicians they elect? If we believed the right things, the true things, there wouldn't be very many problems on earth.
But the trouble with deep belief is that it costs something. And there is something inside me, so selfish beast of a subtle thing that doesn't like the truth at all because it carries responsibility, and if I actually believe these things I have to do something about them. It is so, so cumbersome to believe anything." (Blue Like Jazz, pg. 106-07)
^^^ain't that the truth.
Truth is, I'm lazy. I don't wanna mess up the "good thing I got goin' on..." I would rather just complain and not act...I would rather just follow along with the easiest things...the "cool" thing. I don't want to act. It's scary, and in my mind I question whether it's worth it.
But.
What if that's what Satan wants me to do? What if it's exactly what he wants me to do. I'm with Donald on this one...I definitely believe in Satan, and I definitely believe that he uses my laziness and my self-addiction to stop the spread of falling in love with Jesus. I also believe that he uses the stupidest, tiniest arguments that I find myself "personally" attached to about literally anything you can think of (Starbucks cup...) to divide the Body of Christ to achieve his own victory.
I'm not a very angry person, but this MAKES ME ANGRY.
Why do we let him do that?!?!
And WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY (please catch my exasperation) do we discuss these stupid tiny arguments over the internet with people that we do not interact on a daily basis with.
This phrase is showing that I am a millennial, but I.JUST.CANT.
I have two social media accounts, and I plan on keeping them, but seriously sometimes I think that Satan gets so much joy out of watching Christians tear each other apart over opposing political, religious, societal (insert any other thing you can think of) ideas.
What a tragedy.
I in no way know how to deal with these things in a sufficient way...and because this blog is for my personal growth, I don't have to..
so, signing out until a later date...
-B
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